It’s normal, even noble, to care for others. But how do you tell the difference between normal caring and being a people pleaser? When do you know you’ve crossed the line? Here are some of the more common danger signals.
Are you a People-Pleaser? Take this quiz and find out!
How many times did you answer “yes” to the above questions?
1-3: You’re setting healthy boundaries, but you need to stay on guard.
3-5: You’re aware of your people-pleasing tendencies, but need to practice asserting yourself more.
5-8: You’re in the Danger Zone. Be careful, or you’ll burn out.
8-10: Get some help! Immediately.
If you scored 5 or above, find your tribe at The Society for Recovering Doormats. Ivy Tobin, founder of The Society, has a new novel coming out called "My Life as a Doormat" about her alter ego, Rose Gardner. Check it out at http://www.facebook.com/TheSocietyForRecoveringDoormats.
And, whatever you do, start taking better care of yourself. There’s hope.
@2014 Eleanor Brownn eleanorbrownn.com
If you really stop and think about it, your Comfort Zone probably isn’t all that comfortable. If you’re living inside of a box, stuffing down your feelings, or putting your dreams on the back burner out of fear, it probably doesn’t feel very good.
So many people I see in my workshops feel they have nothing original to say or do. They have a business idea, or a piece of art they’ve created, or a song they’ve written — the list goes on and on — and they think it’s not “enough” to put out into the Universe because somebody else has already done it. Just as no two snowflakes are alike, no one else is exactly quite like you. No one else can do what you do or say what you say in the way like you. Two people can write a book on the same topic and they are completely different books. For example, literally millions of books have been written throughout time. They are different because each person who wrote them is different.
What is it you dream of doing? What vision have you put on-hold while you remain in your so-called Comfort Zone?
©2014 Eleanor Brownn
Join me at the Vision Board Self-Care Workshop on November 15, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.
Are you worn out from taking care of everybody except yourself? Are you the “go-to” person (the one everybody else goes to) on your job, or with your family and friends when they have a problem or something important needs to get done? Are you the people-pleaser who says “yes” when you really want to say “no” because you don’t want other people to be upset?
If any of this sounds like you, you could be putting your health at risk! These are all forms of Self-Neglect, and Self-Neglect is linked to many types of health problems, including heart disease, high blood pressure, weight gain and diabetes.
You’re someone who cares and loves other people. The problem is, to be a truly caring person you have to “put on your own oxygen mask first.” You must embrace the critical importance of Self-Care.
Self-Care starts with baby steps, making small changes that have a big impact over time with faith and persistence. If you’ve spent your whole life putting g everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, it isn’t going to change overnight. When I coach people or conduct a workshop, I help them review their lives and take a good hard look at where they’ve been, where they are and where they want to go. Together we design a plan of action to gradually build on existing strengths and discard old behaviors that are no longer in their best interest. In this way, they begin to move in a healthier direction. The first and most important step in the plan is for them to change their attitude — letting go of the idea that Self-Care is selfish. It isn’t.
It’s easier said than done to make that change. You have demands at home, in your community and on your job. There are people in your life who need you. But unless you start making your own health a priority, you won’t be able to be there for them.
Self-Care is so important. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
"No matter where you stand on the timeline of life, your whole life really is ahead of you because you can’t go backwards. Make the most of the precious time on Earth you’ve been given. Keep moving forward, step by step." • Eleanor Brownn
I'm an author, public speaker, workshop leader and healthy lifestyle consultant who believes in the possibility of positive change at every age and every stage of life. Having experienced some hard-learned lessons in life myself, I share from a compassionate been-there-done-that perspective.